“Time to get your sugarplums off and your nuts cracked,” the V.O. Otherwise it might be inappropriate.Īlso Read: Hallmark Reverses Stance on LGBTQ Zola Ads Under Pressure, Looks to Reinstate Them One of the new takes is “Santa Claus Is Coming too Fast.” Another features an Elf on the Shelf that likes to watch you having sex.Īnd don’t worry: In “A Threesome for Christmas,” the “women don’t kiss,” we’re promised. “We’re talking four on the floor, lights on, shoes off doin’ it.” Hallmark After Dark is just like your favorite Hallmark Christmas films, but “with hardcore man-on-woman jammin’,” as the (fake, obviously) commercial went.
Yeah, it’s on.Īlso Read: Hilarie Burton Says She Was 'Let Go' From Hallmark Channel Holiday Movie After She 'Insisted' on More Inclusivity: 'Bigotry Comes From the Top'
The soft holiday music soon gave way to some of that ’70s bass-and-horn stuff. “To show you how much, Hallmark is proud to introduce Hallmark After Dark.” “Hallmark really wants you to know that we value traditional, heterosexual relationships,” a voiceover read. No, CBS’ “The Late Show” went right after the cable channel in the cold open. Stephen Colbert didn’t even wait for his monologue to mock Hallmark Channel for its initial decision to pull a Zola ad featuring a lesbian kiss.
